Bloggernacking for Newbies

The nacle has been around for some time now, and a culture of inside jokes and insider language has sprung up with terms like monkeys, peaches, fondue, chupacabras (chupacabrim?), and Bannergate. Nacle newcomers may find the local patois a bit off-putting. This post, intended as a basic field guide, may serve as a starting point for newbies. Here are some terms you may want to know:

Metaphysical Elders.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, lived the Metaphysical Elders. They were a group of pseudonymous bloggers, and for a thousand years, they kept order in the bloggernacle. Of course, there was no bloggernacle at the time, so it was a relatively easy task. The Metaphysical Elders fell apart when Nate went to the dark side and decided to found T&S. Nate then hunted down and destroyed the remaining Metaphysical Elders, except for Clark, who hid out on the planet of Tattooine waiting to find and train the next Metaphysical Elder who would finally restore balance to the bloggernacle.

a random John.

In the early days, a random John (who is not the same as “John H.”) used various adjectives — like “an annoyed John” or “a sarcastic John” — to describe himself. Eventually, he settled on his present handle, “a random John.” Around the same time, he gave up on the possibility of ever converting any bloggernackers to the use of Slashcode, and paid up on the bet he had made with DKL. As revenge for his frustrated dreams of Slashcode domination, he turned his skills toward hacking the Big 3 blogs.

Some other blog.

Well, we wouldn’t want to mention it by name here, would we? “Some other blog” is a perfectly good description.

Chupacabra!

The chupacabra comes to visit threads that are dead, or those that need to die. The chupacabra’s first appearance came in a conversation involving Danithew and Steve Evans (among others). Defy the chupacabra at your own risk.

Fondue.

A while ago, Kaimi posted a thread on Signature books, which quickly became heated. And cheesy. Like heated cheese. Mmmm, cheese.

Greg posted a comment suggesting that thread participants lighten up, “before we have to hear how Midgley showed up unannounced at Lighthouse Ministries and rudely interrupted George Smith having fondue with the Tanners.” This reminded DKL and arJ of how they themselves had once interrupted George Smith having fondue with the Tanners. Nostalgic, they decided to bring the topic up as often as possible in future blog comments.

Bloggersnacker

So, this is the technical term for a gathering where there are bloggers, and they snack. Get it? Blogger . . . snacker? Okay, the name is a little cheesy. (Mmm. Cheese.) But the events themselves are pretty fun. (Though rumor has it that Lou Midgley once attended a bloggersnacker and rudely interrupted George Smith having fondue with Nate Oman.)

Ed Enochs.

I love you all. But are Mormons really Christians? I challenge Matt Evans to a duel!

Who was that smart young man in the last comment? Whoever he was, he sure was smart!

I agree with the prior two comments. All those commenters are smart. Why, we’re so smart that we all share the same IP address! By the way, I love you all.

Languatron.

This blog is obviously being CONTROLLED by the MINIONS of the SCI-FI CHANNEL. They want to SUPPRESS Languatron’s comments about BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. But he will not be suppressed! Censorship is bad! The SCI-FI CHANNEL is evil! Languatron will tell everyone about this in CAPITAL LETTERS until his comments are deleted.

Westchester Mafia

The mafia consists of Danithew and Bryce. They’re a bit unorthodox as far as their technique. They don’t do drive-by assassinations; however, they do make friendly comments and offer technical advice. They have not been known to threaten nacle participants with the line “you’ll be swimming with the fishes.” However, they do participate in bloggersnackers. Talk about an offer you can’t refuse! Very intimidating. (Rumor has it that Dan makes a mean chupacabra quesadilla).

Banner of Heaven.

In 2005, six friends had a bit too much Zero-Point Joe one evening and the game of Truth or Dare got just a little out of hand. One thing led to another, and the next thing anyone knew, they were all blogging under fake IDs at a new group blog called Banner of Heaven. Mostly they used fictitious identities; however, there is a good degree of truth at the Banner. (Brian Gibson really was kidnapped by aliens, for example, and DKL really is a cross dresser who works in a toilet paper factory and sold his kids’ X-box to get mascara money.)

Bannergate

Banner bloggers enticed Rusty to play a game of three-card monte with the nacle on whether Banner was a scam. They held the crowd at bay for about two days; then Frank showed up and unmasked everyone. Banner bloggers issued 5 apology letters and one kiss-off letter (“and if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your dumb dog, I would have gotten away with it!”).

A few locals had a bit too much Zero-Point Joe themselves, and next thing anyone knew, Banner bloggers were being run out of town on a rail. We all woke up with a headache and some regrets, and swore not to stray in the future from core topics like same-sex marriage and abortion.

Mormon Archipelago.

Geoff J. set up a portal called the Mormon Archipelago. He then recruited Rusty, Dave, and J. Stapley to the project. As a result, Geoff gets 10% of the profits from any recruits that these lower-level members bring in. The next level recruited Steve Evans, Kaimi, FMH Lisa, and other low-level grunts. However, we failed to get in on the ground level, so we make peanuts from anyone we recruit. Sigh. (On the plus side, we get to buy our dish soap and cosmetics from Mormon Archipelago, and eliminate the middleman . . .)

Icongate.

Kaimi’s sales weren’t up to par, so Geoff knocked him down a peg or two in the Multi-level-Mormon Archipelago. This led to a public scuffle of sorts; however, the scuffle has since been unscuffed and we’re all back to being friends and using Mormon Archipelago dish soap and cosmetics. (Rumor has it that Frank has been experimenting with LDSelect eye-liner, but there’s no proof).

Monkey steals the peach.

There are some terms that one cannot discuss on a family-friendly blog. (For the curious, some background is available elsewhere.)

DKL.

David King Landrith is a longtime nacle participant who frequently posted comments, first under his own name and later under the pseudonym Arturo Toscanini. Dave enjoys sunsets, long walks on the beach, and reading books by Fawn Brodie.

Dave has, at various points in his blogging career, been banned from commenting at T&S. (Ask him to tell you about it some time, and just maybe you’ll get him to open up about this deeply private topic. See also Dave’s expulsion from BYU.) Dave was a founder of Banner of Heaven (under the pseudonym Miranda) and is the evil genius behind LDSelect.

Note: Dave Landrith is not the same as DMI Dave. Dave Landrith is also Not Hitler, just in case anyone’s asking.

Aliases

Alias is a television show involving Jennifer Garner, short skirts and colored wigs. Need I say more? Alas, Jennifer Garner doesn’t blog. However, there are a number of publicly disclosed aliases (or non-aliases) that regular nacle participants probably know about:

Supergenius is Steve Evans.
Peach Stealing Monkey is Geoff J.
Eminent Mormon is DKL is Dave Landrith is Arturo Toscanini is Miranda Park Jones is . . . oh, nevermind.
HobbyGoblin is Kristen J.
FMH-Athena is FMH-EmilyS.
Prudence McPrude is Aaron Brown when he’s had too much Zero-Point Joe.
Ethesis is Stephen M. Ethesis is not Steve Evans. Ethesis is not Steve EM. Steve Evans is also not Steve EM. However, Steve FSF is Steve EM. Get it? (To help avoid reader confusion, we have reduced the Steve quotient at T&S by banning Steve EM. Highly recommended!)
Steve Ethesis is also not Ned Flanders.
Andermom is Starfoxy is Starfoxy/Andermom.
M&M is Michelle.
BTD Greg is not T&S Greg.
FMH-Lisa is not Lisa B.
Daniel B. is danithew.
The Snarker is Kurt.

Okay, what am I leaving out? Generally known information only, please (so don’t tell everyone that Frank M. is really DKL.)

37 comments for “Bloggernacking for Newbies

  1. It is crucially important to know that Lile and Lyle and L’ile are the same person.

    Aaron B

  2. Kaimi, a week ago I was mulling over the fact that we are long overdue for a cheese post. Then I forgot. Thank you for reminding me. Please write something about cheese. Or you’ll be swimming with the fishes.

    It was fun to re-read the chupacabra line of comments. Way too much fun and a total abuse of the term “hornky” that hasn’t been continued. Maybe we need to laugh more in the ‘Nacle. It’s been too long since someone complained about blowing Diet Coke all over the computer screen.

    Where is Kingsley? As far as I can tell, he has been absent for way too long.

  3. This post is supposed to help newbies? The explanations come with so many jokes that it doesn’t clarify much, even for me who has been around a long time.

  4. The plural for chupacabras is, well, chupacabras. (Although chupacabrim would work quite nicely if you were trying to explain their existence within a Kabbalistic framework).

  5. You’ll never convince me that Ned Flanders, Ethesis and Steve EM are not all the same person. Yes, I’ve heard all the cover up stories, the backpedaling attempts to veil the truth. I saw the unmarked helicopters, the police tape and men shouting, “There’s nothing to see here.� But it all just makes too much sense. I want to believe.

  6. (m&m: Shhh . . . But ya are!) And prob’ly the best part of your assignment is your weekly tete a tete with the Brethren, though, huh!

  7. re #13 I remember when I figured out that Kim was a man. That was a trippy day, but suddenly many things made sense, his referring to his wife (Mary) was not the smallest of those things.

  8. Re #16 – yes, very much. Thank you. :)

    And I guess I should note as well, that Téa is not against the Word of Wisdom.

  9. I’m, um, glad that I made such enough of an impression that you remember the day you discovered my gender, Mother of All. I don’t know that anyone’s said anything quite like that to me before, but it’s a pretty nice compliment. Um, I think. ;)

  10. I remember being surprised, as well, that those guys were guys. It does make a difference how you take their comments.

    I think there are four snarkers and they are smart people. I wonder how they coordinate and put up pictures and stuff because it’s sort of complicated.

  11. Eric is nobody.

    Eric is not Eric James Stone (#5)

    Eric is also not Eric Russel (#12)

    Eric is not CSEric

    From now on I’ll be known as ‘Cowboy O’.

  12. I have to admit the Stephens have all thrown me for a loop. Thankgoodness for profiles and blogsites, or I might still be trying to find my way through the mists of confussion. Then again, maybe I just need to clean my glasses?

  13. You got Stephens, you got Heathers, you got Lisas, and you got Geoffs. I try to be nice to them all in case they’re the ones I know. Oh and then there’s the “j’s” They could be a number of people, but are usually Jonathan somebody. Actually, I think there are four Ann/Anne’s.

  14. Starfoxy:

    Cowboy O is a reference to Sesame Street from like the 70’s. They talked him into changing his name from Cowboy X because he kept marking up their town with x’s. They all lived happiliy ever after because they weren’t very smart.

    I don’t understand CowboyNeal or the link.

  15. Yep, I missed that part of Sesame Street. Even if I had seen it I doubt I would have remembered it. All I really remember was the guy who took half an hour to sound out a word. He drove me nuts.
    Slashdot is a popular news site/aggregator for nerds, and CowboyNeal is an admin on the site. They have a poll (that used to change weekly, but now it’s more like bi-annually) and CowboyNeal is nearly always an option. When he’s not they make a big deal about it in the comments.

  16. I used to be Seth Rogers until I Googled my name for the first time and some of my posts showed up on the second page of results.

    Then I started remembering some the … erm … interesting comments I had made about stuff like evangelicals, idolatry, and birth control …

    Then I shortened it.

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