As life-long LDS Church members, my wife and I know the drill—how to feed the missionaries. Then, with our son serving an LDS mission, we got an email that changed everything.
Category: Parenting
Christmas with Autism
In April of 2008, our son Samuel was diagnosed with autism . . . But in this Christmas week, I wanted to share some specific experiences that we have had with our special needs child, first the challenges that the holiday posed and then the wonderful blessings that we have experienced together as a family. . . . As we celebrate the birth of our Lord together, the spirit is not only filling my home, it is reaching my precious son in ways that I pray will make an indelible mark on his memory and soul.
I’m Sick and Tired of December
I’m not Scrooge and I’m not the Grinch, either—but December is enough to make me feel like one of those guys. It’s only December 6, and I’m feeling sick and tired of this month. Could we schedule anything else? Seriously. I cut back on parties and try to simplify, just like nice mommy articles suggest. I do. I make or buy four carefully chosen presents per child in pre-set categories, so I don’t overspend. I refuse every invitation I can. But what else are we going to cut? The first grade Gingerbread Man play, the Christmas piano recital, or the December Dance Showcase? The Christmas Cruise or the Living Nativity? The ward Christmas party that we’re helping with or the employees’ Christmas party (not that—I got to meet Ben Huff’s parents!)? I admit that I set myself up for failure years ago by starting traditions like decorating the Monday after Thanksgiving without fail and cooking a specific Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas day morning breakfast, and Christmas day luncheon. What am I going to do—disappoint everyone by serving cold cereal and leftovers? Refusing to put up decorations this year like I threatened to do? Every year my dreams of sitting cozily by the Christmas tree and reading cute stories flitter away just like the glitter dust we throw at the city’s “Lights On” Ceremony. I am tired of decorations. There is too much clutter and mess, and I resent the time…
Parents are people
It’s been a stressful time for us. My father in law had been battling leukemia for over a year, when he suddenly took a turn for the worse. FIL’s illness lasted a few more weeks, and he finally passed away. This has affected the family in a number of ways; most importantly for this post, it resulted in a complicated set of travel plans.
“Fathers do not mother”
Kaimi put up a sidebar link to a NYT piece on parenting. It had an interesting quote: “Fathers tend to do things differently, Dr. Kyle Pruett said, but not in ways that are worse for the children. Fathers do not mother, they father.”
Halloween Costumes and Inner Conflict
Halloween scares me. Of course, I’m scared of lots of things—poverty, cancer, rape, gang violence, Satan, etc. I thought I should admit that up front. Make of it what you will.
Diapers, Dishes, and Dusting
Yesterday, a Mormon Times article began with this opener: “For Finnish music star Mervi Hiltunen-Multamäki, trading in exotic concert locales, a prime-time TV show and platinum records for diapers, dishes and dusting was an easy decision. Maybe that’s because following the prophet has never been hard for her.”
Selfishness Pays (Off)
So, what with Utah’s poor Iowa Test scores, I’ve had a few people asking me how I turned all my children into such voracious little readers. “Did you read to them every day when they were little?” friends query. “Why, no. Of course not,” I respond. “I’m much too selfish for that.”
Reflections On an Interfaith Household
“She won’t join the church because we won’t let her practice polyandry.” That’s what my husband told the Stake President at his last interview.
Scandalous Lyrics
The 1980s hit “You’re the Inspiration” makes me think of metallic streamers, balloon arches, and poorly permed hair,
Congratulations
I’ll be attending a wedding later today. The couple will be married in the church, and a new baby will be joining them somewhat sooner than later. For a faithful LDS family, this is difficult.
Intentions
5-year-old son: Mom, he hit me with his backpack! Me: Did you hit your brother? 11-year-old son: No. 5-year-old: Yes, he did! He did!
What the Smith Boys Said This Year
Previous installments can be accessed through this link.
Christmas Gifts for Kids
Let’s take about Christmas.
Halloween treat
Strangely enough, I didn’t catch the irony until just now, as my first- and sixth-graders ran outside to catch the carpool. First grader=John McCain Sixth grader=jihadist Afghani
Girls, Are You Hip Enough?
I kissed a girl and I liked it The taste of her cherry chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it It felt so wrong It felt so right Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
Two-headed Hydra
Thirteen-year-old son: Mom, can I watch “The Sarah Connor Chronicles”? me: No. son: Why not? There’s nothing bad about it. me: I disagree. son: Well, I disagree with you. me: That’s okay.
M Gets a Joke
A while back our household sat down to watch an episode of Monk. We like Monk because not only is it funny, it’s also sad and tender and offers good – sometimes very good – cultural satire. As I fed M she kept turning her head to look at the TV, watching whatever it is she sees when she’s watching something. We’re not sure what that is because doctors have sent mixed messages about her eyesight. But she does see.
Parenting Tips from the Life of Warren Buffett
“The deal that Buffett made with [son] Howie concerning the rent for Howie’s farm was … linked with weight; the amount rose and fell with Howie’s poundage. Warren thought his son should weigh 182.5 pounds. When Howie was over the limit, he had to pay twenty-six percent of the farm’s gross receipts to his father. When he was under, he paid twenty-two percent. … Buffett couldn’t lose on this deal either. He got either more money or a thinner son.” Sharecrop your way to health and wealth.
MMM for Youth?
I don’t want to debate the ins and outs of the tragedy at Mountain Meadows. It was horrific no matter how you cut it. My more immediate problem is personal
Called to leave
My grandmother, mother, and I all served missions, so I was delighted when my firstborn announced her intention to serve, submitted her papers, received her call. Little did I know.
How Much Should We Advantage Our Kids Over Others?
When asked why they aren’t more generous with their time or money, many people answer that if they gave more, it would be at the expense of their own children. Sure, the argument goes, it would be great if I could pay an extra $100 to provide immunizations for kids in Africa, but my first duty is to my family, and giving that $100 for immunizations would prevent me from taking my kids to the water park.
Why Haven’t You Adopted an Orphan Child?
For years I’ve been torn by the knowledge that there are thousands of orphaned or abandoned children desperate to be welcomed into a family like mine and our reasons for “passing by on the other side” when we see the “least of these.”
Quality
Warning: To write this post, I’ve had to get personal. I apologize in advance for that, but some points I make require grounding in my observations about personal experiences, many of which are highly charged. The stories and observations I report here in no way represent everything I think about these matters. More importantly, they don’t represent everything I will think; I’m not through turning over these events and ideas to see what else is there. If you’ve come to this post already feeling overwhelmed or bothered about something, you might want to skip reading this, because it might make matters worse for you. After you read this post, it will self-destruct in sixty seconds. (I wish, but then again, some records must stand.) Did I mention this post runs long? Okay then, here we go. In 1992 I gave birth to a daughter, Mattea. An in utero infection of a predatory organism called cytomegalovirus (CMV) destroyed nearly half her brain, including most of her brain stem. Describing what her life’s been like is impossible for a blog post. Furthermore, I’ve never undertaken the epic journey toward consciousness that she has, though I accompanied her every step of her way. Some things she felt and did I’ll never know how she managed.
We Did It
We’ve finally read the entire Book of Mormon as a family, all of us (those that can read, anyway) taking turns verse by verse. It only took us four and a half years, and we’re ready to do it again.
Book Review: The Parenting Breakthrough
You just gotta love any book that has a picture of a seven-year-old boy cleaning a toilet on the cover.
The Cheerio Incident
Seven years ago, when my oldest son was just a baby, I decided that I would use his naptimes to work on a book. I planned on turning my thesis into something relevant for an LDS audience and writing additional chapters about the other women’s stories in Mark’s Gospel. So each day, after putting down the baby for his nap, I’d drag out all of my books and papers and notes and try to focus. And it seemed that every day, just as soon as I got into the groove of what I was doing, I’d hear “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” and it would be time to dash up the stairs, grab the baby, and put aside my work for another day.
Teaching Modesty to Children
I posted the following you-know-where: I don’t have girl children, but I don’t let my boys wear tank tops or shorts above the knee.
On Spiritual Education
About 10 minutes after my first positive pregnancy test, I was at the bookstore, perusing the shelves of parenting titles, a pastime I’ve continued with some regularity for nearly a decade now. One of my favorite of these books is called 10 Principles of Spiritual Parenting.
Bowdlerizing the Book of Mormon
This afternoon at lunch, my angelic three-year-old daughter said causally to her quesadilla, “I’m going to kill you by plunging my spoon into your heart.”